Squeezing that camel through the needle's eye.
These Premium Apocalygrams are provided for those who need something extra. The basic Service is completely free. These pay buttons take you to PayPal's site where you can pay with your PayPal account or with a major credit card. It's all very secure and high-tech. It is up to the buyer to ensure that all relevant information is included: names, addresses, and/or phone numbers. This data can be sent via PayPal comments or seperately through the Contact Page. Also make sure to contact us before attempting to snail-mail anything to us to make arrangements for receiving. We don't discriminate: services available to believers and non-believers alike!
Snail-Mail ApocalyGram - The most affordable premium service. Your message will be sent via Postal Service. Will be perfect if the rapture knocks out global electronic communications but the Godless Post Office keeps going. $19.95.
Telephone ApocalyGram - If the horsemen leave the phone lines up, Uncle Reverend Big Mike will personally get your chosen heretic on the phone and read them your letter. As an added bonus, this service also comes with a free Snail-Mail Apocalygram, if you choose. $49.95.
Personal Item ApocalyGram - Would you like to pass on something of more value than just simple words? This ApocalyGram allows for you to send an item that will be forwarded (via Post) to the recipient. Price is good for one item up to 12"x12"x6" and weighing up to 2 pounds. Contact us for pricing on larger items. Includes both a Snail-Mail ApocalyGram and a Telephone ApocalyGram. $99.95.
Visit ApocalyGram - If that special apostate may need some personal cheering up, Uncle Reverend Big Mike can pay them a personal, one-on-one visit. $999.95.
Religio-Secular Donation - Are you still going to be around post-rapture too? Or maybe everyone you love has already been saved? But you still want to support this worthwhile cause, don't you? Never fear. We've set up a way to make a donation with no obligation for us to provide any service whatsoever. Just because we're free from obligation, though, doesn't mean that you'll get nothing. Any donation of $5 or more will get a personal note of thanks from Uncle Reverend Big Mike and mention on the website. WWJD? Dig deep. Any amount you'd like.
All sales are final. Void where prohibited by law. Please note that these services are offered with no guarantee other than the word of Uncle Reverend Big Mike that he will do his very best to achieve what he can in the way of delivering on these services. It is impossible to know for sure which and to what degree apocalyptic disasters will stand in his way, and he cannot be held responsible for failing to achieve his goals for any reason, including (but not limited to) plague; war; conquest; famine; pestilence; rivers, oceans, and/or lakes of fire; earthquakes; wild beasts of the earth; mourning; crying; pain; persecution; terror; nakedness; danger; Christ; or death. Please contact us with any questions.