Uncle Reverend Big Mike

"Full Service Legitimacy for All Your Matrimonial Needs"

Monkey Hank, Sr.: championing worthwhile wastes of time since 1999!

Monkey Hank, Sr. says "Try the Marry & Bury Special: One Marriage, Two Funerals, all for one low, low price of $29.95*"

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*Plus expenses. Sing-along ceremony extra. Marriage (and/or burial) may not be valid in all locations, at all times, between all parties, and in other instances where the laws of the location serving as host to the service(s) prohibit, restrict, annul or--through sheer puritanical neglect--render impossibly complex such unions. Uncle Reverend Big Mike will do his best to determine whether such laws are present, but will never feel completely comfortable in his assessment of legality. The participants in the service(s) agree that, despite Mike's lack of apparent confidence in the validity of the services rendered, the service(s) will be assumed by all participants to be completely legitimate. So far, seemingly successful marriages have been performed in the following place(s): Oregon, USA. Be warned that the Uncle Reverend Big Mike has both an extreme tendency to latch onto the occasional thing--anything--that offers even so much as a glimpse of a promise of a more fulfilling life and a crippling fear of commitment. Marriage and funerals may not take place on the same day. First come, first serve. Cash only.