Monday, April 26, 2004

Why do you do it, Mike?

Why do you choose to run a discount marriage service in these uncertain times?

That's what they ask me.

And my answer is always the same.

I don't want you and your significant other to be denied matrimonial bliss--and all of the civil, spiritual, and financial benefits that it entails--because of budgetary concerns.

No, I believe that access to cheap, hardly-legal marriages is a right that all human beings deserve. And I am fully committed to offering you a wide range of high-quality, low-cost, secular officiant options.

From the most affordable "basic paper signing," to the lavish ash-spreadings in exotic locales, you're sure to find the package that's right for you.

And friends I have special offer to make to you right here, on this website. Get it soon, because a deal like this is not going to last long. I'm offering one secular wedding and a pair--that's right, TWO!--secular funeral services, for the low, low price of $29.95. You are not going to find a deal like that, on the internet or anywhere else, I can assure you.

So whatever your needs--remember, I do custom packages as well--I can do it...and you're going to get a bargain out of it, too. You have my secular word.

Sincerely,